Love is at times letting go…
Love is releasing what is good for God’s best. It is believing no plan you have concocted for you and those you love is superior to His ways. It is reminding your soul to constantly put your hope in Jesus even when you heart is truly aching. It is the ability to grasp onto to Joy for strength when all you want to do is curl up in the fetal position and cry your eyes out. I knew this day would come, I hoped it would be 20 more years from now.
It was 7:15 a.m. yesterday when I awoke from my slumber to a text message that had been sent about 30 minutes prior. The news did not come as a shock, but it shook me. My grandma had collapsed while on her bed and was rushed to the Emergency Room. I was frantic and responded with a call to my mom. You see my grandma passed out 2 Saturdays ago and was back with us last Monday. I spoke with her last Thursday and she reassured me that though she was a bit weak she was doing so much better. I gently reassured her that I would come see her soon. She responded in her aged Jamaican twang, “Ok, Kim!”
So here I am on Sunday morning, sitting on the foot of my bed going through these scenarios in my head. What caused it? Angry at doctors that they were unable to diagnose her ailment and sent her home knowing that she was sick. I was livid. My mom asked me to continue with my plans and prepare for church and she promised to update me with any further news as the morning progresses. She asked that I pray.
A bit downcast but with determination in my bones, I stepped into the shower and as the water poured down from the spout of the shower head, the tears began to roll down from me eyes and I KNEW. I knew that today would be her last day with us. In the shower, I told God, “I am not mad at You. I understand. She is my grandma but she is your daughter and you want her home.” I raised my hands and in total surrender as an act of faith I released her.
About 15 minutes after, I stepped out of the bathroom and was alarmed by another call from my mom. Her comments – ignore her last text. The details: Granny coded a few minutes ago and was now being rushed to the ICU and placed on a vent. Her last text message read, “Mama gone!!!” I honestly did not ignore because I knew it to be true. God had honored my prayer instantaneously even though it is not what my selfish heart wanted.
Mom said, “PRAY!” Little did she know, I already did and God already gave the answer. The next few hours were for Mama’s kids – Her daughters and the young men that she raised. It was for them because I already knew. I went to church and could barely hold the tears in. My heart was so overwhelmed. My friends encouraged me to go to the hospital. They offered to drive. My response, “I just need a minute.”
I stepped outside into the sunshine – an unseasonably beautiful warm winter Sunday morning. There were no clouds in the sky – the trees, the birds, and the heavens told of God’s glory and His faithfulness. God would choose today. One more text – “Things are looking dim at the moment.” I took a breath and exhaled slowly. It was like a little nudge on my shoulder. It was time.
I ran into the church and gathered my things and with the moral support of friends and a great sister, we left. My emotions were directed to one place and one person. This next few hours would be dedicated to the woman lying in Room 12 in the ICU room.
Two minutes short of my arrival. My mom sent her final text – “Hurry, only a few more minutes.” We sped up. I dashed out of the car and ran circles around the hospital. Winded and whiny, we stepped into the ICU. Tears were heard and I knew. I was too late. She passed 3 minutes prior to my arrival at her bedside. I was in the hospital but not at her side. 12:10 p.m. to be exact, she left us. Love comforted. Love made the best decision for her.
I held her hand and kissed her still warm cheek. I knew where she was and who she was with. I was not mad just sad. Around her neck laid two pendants that signified the meaning of her life – One was a gold cross and the other read ‘#1 Mom’.
In every way, she fulfilled her purpose while she was alive. She never suffered one day. Love saw it fit to call her to her heavenly home. She would have been 92 tomorrow. What a gain for her but so still a sore loss for us. Every word of encouragement spoken and written for others, I had to now conjure up for myself. I cried, they cried, we cried.
You have to understand, In her 91 years of life, my granny walked 3 flights of stairs daily, washed and folded clothes, stirred lemonade, ironed, and tended to each of us when we were sick. She kept up with the latest Kardashian shenanigans and could even quote Beenie Man when prompted. She was a mighty woman in a tiny frame. She held all her mental faculties even until death. Granny exchanged Her Best Yes for Love’s Best Yes. She released her grip on this earthly life for one so gloriously eternal.
We mourn her death and celebrate her life. She lived a legacy and left a legacy among her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She loved each and every one of us. She remembered all the details that mattered to us even sending her signatory birthday and congratulatory cards in the mail each time we celebrated.
You may never see her name trending in your newsfeed or her face on the evening news or gracing the stage of the latest awards shows but her impact goes far and wide across nations. She raised us to be better and do better – to do the most with the least. She was a warrior.
So what would she want you to know if she was writing this – Love Jesus!
She did what was commanded – Act justly, loved mercy, and walked humbly with her GOD.
In our heartache, Love made one of the Best Decisions Yet.
One to celebrate in grand fashion, Happy Early Birthday to Granny!