Love Is – Day 6

Kim Speaks Up...Love Is - Day 6

Love is at times letting go…

Love is releasing what is good for God’s best. It is believing no plan you have concocted for you and those you love is superior to His ways. It is reminding your soul to constantly put your hope in Jesus even when you heart is truly aching. It is the ability to grasp onto to Joy for strength when all you want to do is curl up in the fetal position and cry your eyes out. I knew this day would come, I hoped it would be 20 more years from now.

It was 7:15 a.m. yesterday when I awoke from my slumber to a text message that had been sent about 30 minutes prior. The news did not come as a shock, but it shook me. My grandma had collapsed while on her bed and was rushed to the Emergency Room. I was frantic and responded with a call to my mom. You see my grandma passed out 2 Saturdays ago and was back with us last Monday. I spoke with her last Thursday and she reassured me that though she was a bit weak she was doing so much better. I gently reassured her that I would come see her soon. She responded in her aged Jamaican twang, “Ok, Kim!”

Kim Speaks Up...Granny and The Fam

So here I am on Sunday morning, sitting on the foot of my bed going through these scenarios in my head. What caused it? Angry at doctors that they were unable to diagnose her ailment and sent her home knowing that she was sick. I was livid. My mom asked me to continue with my plans and prepare for church and she promised to update me with any further news as the morning progresses. She asked that I pray.

A bit downcast but with determination in my bones, I stepped into the shower and as the water poured down from the spout of the shower head, the tears began to roll down from me eyes and I KNEW. I knew that today would be her last day with us. In the shower, I told God, “I am not mad at You. I understand. She is my grandma but she is your daughter and you want her home.” I raised my hands and in total surrender as an act of faith I released her.

Kim Speaks Up...Granny and The Fam

About 15 minutes after, I stepped out of the bathroom and was alarmed by another call from my mom. Her comments – ignore her last text. The details: Granny coded a few minutes ago and was now being rushed to the ICU and placed on a vent. Her last text message read, “Mama gone!!!” I honestly did not ignore because I knew it to be true. God had honored my prayer instantaneously even though it is not what my selfish heart wanted.

Mom said, “PRAY!” Little did she know, I already did and God already gave the answer. The next few hours were for Mama’s kids – Her daughters and the young men that she raised. It was for them because I already knew. I went to church and could barely hold the tears in. My heart was so overwhelmed. My friends encouraged me to go to the hospital. They offered to drive. My response, “I just need a minute.”

I stepped outside into the sunshine – an unseasonably beautiful warm winter Sunday morning. There were no clouds in the sky – the trees, the birds, and the heavens told of God’s glory and His faithfulness. God would choose today. One more text – “Things are looking dim at the moment.” I took a breath and exhaled slowly. It was like a little nudge on my shoulder. It was time.

I ran into the church and gathered my things and with the moral support of friends and a great sister, we left. My emotions were directed to one place and one person. This next few hours would be dedicated to the woman lying in Room 12 in the ICU room.

Two minutes short of my arrival. My mom sent her final text – “Hurry, only a few more minutes.” We sped up. I dashed out of the car and ran circles around the hospital. Winded and whiny, we stepped into the ICU. Tears were heard and I knew. I was too late. She passed 3 minutes prior to my arrival at her bedside. I was in the hospital but not at her side. 12:10 p.m. to be exact, she left us. Love comforted. Love made the best decision for her.

Kim Speaks Up - Holding my Granny's hand for the last timeI held her hand and kissed her still warm cheek. I knew where she was and who she was with. I was not mad just sad. Around her neck laid two pendants that signified the meaning of her life – One was a gold cross and the other read ‘#1 Mom’.

In every way, she fulfilled her purpose while she was alive. She never suffered one day. Love saw it fit to call her to her heavenly home. She would have been 92 tomorrow. What a gain for her but so still a sore loss for us. Every word of encouragement spoken and written for others, I had to now conjure up for myself. I cried, they cried, we cried.

You have to understand, In her 91 years of life, my granny walked 3 flights of stairs daily, washed and folded clothes, stirred lemonade, ironed, and tended to each of us when we were sick. She kept up with the latest Kardashian shenanigans and could even quote Beenie Man when prompted. She was a mighty woman in a tiny frame. She held all her mental faculties even until death. Granny exchanged Her Best Yes for Love’s Best Yes. She released her grip on this earthly life for one so gloriously eternal.

We mourn her death and celebrate her life. She lived a legacy and left a legacy among her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She loved each and every one of us. She remembered all the details that mattered to us even sending her signatory birthday and congratulatory cards in the mail each time we celebrated.

You may never see her name trending in your newsfeed or her face on the evening news or gracing the stage of the latest awards shows but her impact goes far and wide across nations. She raised us to be better and do better – to do the most with the least. She was a warrior.

So what would she want you to know if she was writing this – Love Jesus!

She did what was commanded – Act justly, loved mercy, and walked humbly with her GOD.

In our heartache, Love made one of the Best Decisions Yet.

One to celebrate in grand fashion, Happy Early  Birthday to Granny!

Kim Speaks Up - My granny


Grateful -- Kim Signature

  • Terri Lynn Grothe

    sorry to hear of your grandma, it is so hard to loose a grand parent. Love will keep the memories with you

  • Sara C

    Sorry to hear for your loss. What a beautifully written testimony to the love and life that your Grandma lived in the Lord. Isn’t it such a magnificent comfort to know that she is at the feet of Jesus? Prayers through the next weeks, that you will continue to find comfort and hope!

  • christine

    Kim, this was so beautiful. In death we are so selfish because we don’t want to loose our loved ones, but in the end, they are the ones who suffered. God takes some far too soon, but no one knows his reason nor will we ever. I am so sorry for your loss. This was so beautiful, thank you for sharing!

  • This is a beautiful tribute to your grandmother and to God. My grandmother, my last surviving grandparent, died in September. She had been in hospice care for awhile, so we knew it was coming, but it was still hard. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • I’m so sorry you lost your grandma (luckily, as Christians we know it’s only temporary!). You’ve told the story beautifully, it’s very similar to the way my grandpa died a few years ago. I wish you all the strength to get along with your life, give this loss a space and thank God for her life. I’m glad for her she’s Home – and am glad to read you are too, despite the pain and missing her! x Margriet (via the Peony Project)

  • Ali

    I am sorry that you lost your grandma, but am so comforted in the fact that you are at peace with the loss — and that she is at peace as well. I’m wishing you many happy thoughts, memories and prayers for you and your family, as you celebrate the life of your grandma. x Ali (via Blog It Forward)

  • Oh Kim, I’m so sorry you lost your grandma. I got shivers all over my arms reading this. I know you have a wonderful family, congregation, and support network, but I wish I could give you a hug. Grandparents hold such a special place in our hearts that it’s never easy to have them leave this world, even if they’ve had a full and long life. I hope you and your family are doing okay. xxx

  • iSpeakHisName

    Sorry for your lose, but you are an amazing woman of God. xoxo

  • I am sorry for your loss. Her spirit will live in all of you who continue to honor her. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Oh that made me tear up a little too. I’m so sorry! But so glad you can look at the positive outlook of it!

  • I am so sorry. But, you’ll see her again! You’re in my prayers!

  • Ana Valentin

    I am so sorry for your lost but you’ll be reunited again. My condolences to your family. Much love and light sent your way.

  • I am so sorry for your loss Kim, but she sounds like she was a truly amazing woman that left a legacy for many. Prayers going up for your whole family!

  • Missi

    This was so beautifully written. I am so sorry for your loss. I too went through this exact thing. Praying for you and your family!

  • Dr. Michelle Bengtson

    Kim, your grandmother would be proud of this post! I’m so sorry for your loss. We can never be prepared to lose someone we love. I didn’t even know your grandmother, but this brought me to tears. You are so right-our family is are most important calling and ministry!! Time to go love on mine!

  • Lauren Harmon

    I am sorry for your loss but you are so right, sometimes love is letting go. I’ll be praying for you and your family!

  • Kara Schwieterman

    Its post is written so amazing! So sorry for your loss! Will be sending you and your family many positive prayers!

  • Kungphoo

    I am so sorry for your loss but this post was beautiful. I lost my grandma too a few years ago but sometimes the hardest part is letting go

  • Theresa

    I am so sorry to learn of your loss, Kim. Sending my deepest condolences.

  • *M* from K&M

    I am so sorry for your loss.

  • So sorry for your loss. Your grandmother sounds like she was an incredible woman who lived a full life. I know all of you are going to miss her terribly. May the Lord be with all of you during this season of your lives.

  • Saving Common Cents

    This is a beautiful homage to your grandmother and the love you have for her. It sounds like she was indeed an amazing woman.

  • Aw. Kimberly. This is my first time stopping by your blog! What a beautiful.. beautiful post!! Love is truly letting go… but are we not forever blessed that we have a God that will never let go of us!! Praised God!!
    I pray that as the days go on, you will be flooded with wonderful happy memories and continue to feel the peace and presence of God!!

  • Adriana Martin

    Thanks for sharing, I feel for you loss is a difficult thing yet when when keep our beloved one in our heart and prayers they live forever.

  • Beautiful words! It’s hard letting go of those we love so dearly. It sounds like she ha a wonderful life and a wonderful family. Hugs to you and thank you for sharing with us.

  • Shannon Peterson

    I am so so sorry for your loss! This is so beautifully written and the fact that you were there at all says so much!

  • Carmen Nimo Perez

    I am so very sorry for your loss. But be sue that she knew your love for her and is in a much better place now. Thank you for sharing this beautiful post with us.

  • SpaceshipsLaserBeams

    It is hard, but yes love is letting go. I am so sorry about your loss!

  • Maria Hass

    I’m so sorry about her passing but I rejoice that she has entered into her reward in heaven! Praying for comfort for your family. The way you described her liveliness even in her old age reminded me of my great-grandmother (she passed at 98 years of age when I was 12 years old) and my maternal grandmother. God bless your family.

  • Kassie

    I’m so sorry for your loss, but praise God that she knew Him!

  • I am so, so sorry for your loss. My grandma died two years ago and I still miss her so much. It’s a loss that doesn’t really ever fully go away.

    I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

  • So sorry for your loss. Your Granny sounds like she was a great woman who lived her life to the fullest for the amount of time she was alive.

  • So sorry to hear about your loss but so thrilled for all the good memories with her and that she loved the Lord. Precious woman of faith.

  • Samantha Bender

    This is a beautiful post. I’m sorry for your loss, and I cannot imagine how you feel, but your words are beautiful and encouraging.

  • Tara Joy

    I am so sorry to hear about your grandma. She sounds like a remarkable woman. I will be praying for your family during this time. Thank you so much for sharing 🙂

  • Krysta

    So sorry for your loss but your perspective and outlook is beautiful. Enjoy the memories you have and embrace her spirit surrounding you.

  • Rebekah

    It sounds like she lived quite the life and you as her family have much to celebrate about her life! Death is not easy for those of us left on earth, but knowing she is in Glory must be such a blessing to you and your loved ones! Prayers for you and your family as you grieve such a beautiful life.

  • Lou

    I’m sorry for your loss and this was a beautiful post. Thank you for your perspective.

  • This is beautifully written. I needed this reminder to cherish the time I have left with my loved ones.

  • Katherine Gilbert

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was very touching. Grandparents are so special. I was reminded of that days ago. I can talk from your words that you loved her dearly.

  • lauryn hock

    I love the part about the two mot important things being around her neck! So beautiful.

  • Bismah Abdelgawad

    Such a lovely and thoughtful post! You are very courageous and have a beautiful heart for sharing. Sorry for your loss.

  • This is so beautifully written. Grandparents teach us so much. I am sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing this story.

  • Lisa Rios

    I am so sorry for your loss. But I am very much glad how you have motivated yourself by putting the complete faith in God, knowing we all have to go back to him someday, sometime, so sooner or later. Love never loses, despite losing them. Awesome & inspiring article.

  • You are an amazing story teller and I as I read your post my eyes welled with tears because your granny sounds like an amazing woman. Grandmothers are truly a blessing. Thank you for sharing my prayers are with you and your family.

  • Occasionally Crafty

    Beautifully written! I am sorry for your loss but I too believe she is rejoicing in heaven with God and her family!

  • Sandra Litcher

    So sorry for your loss, what a wonderful tribute to her!

  • Starkey

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Your message was so inspiring and personal. I was in near tears reading it, but remember that mustard seed of faith! Prayers to you and your family.

  • Laura

    You grandma sounds like she was a wonderful woman, Kim! Your trust in God’s timing is so admirable. Wishing you peace as your grieve this great loss. Hugs.

  • Jessica Rae

    So sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story with all of us. You couldn’t have written it any more beautifully. It made me cry and I don’t cry that often. <3

  • Kasi Perkins

    Lovely story, it was really well written and heartwarming. Amen to trusting in God’s timing, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  • Kalyn Brooke -Creative Savings

    Very heartwarming story. It sounds like you admired her a lot. So sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing with us!

  • Nadeen

    I am so sorry to hear about your Grandmother. She absolutely lived a good life! I was raised for many years by my Jamaican grandmother and also missed her passing. But I know I carry her with me everyday. I do believe we will see our loved ones again! Thank you for sharing a more comforting way to look at a loved ones passing.

  • Diana

    I am very sorry for your loss. Your tribute to her is very beautifully written.

  • Camesha

    This one really tugged at my heart. It’s hitting too close to home as my grandma has been in and out of the hospital so much latety. The hard part is I live on the other side of the country. I felt your heart here. Bless you. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • Jody Thomae

    So sorry Kim for your loss. Death, grief and mourning are all so hard. We grieve our loss and are happy for the our loved one in the presence of Jesus!! May God meet you and cover you with peace and comfort.

  • JoAnna Niles

    So sorry for your loss. My grandmother just passed away last week and I initilally wanted to stop reading kind of knowing where the story was going, but I’m glad I didn’t. Even though the pain is still here, it is encouraging for someone like me. Thank you for sharing your story.

  • This was so beautiful and really honored your grandmother. I’m sure she was proud of you.

  • Rothesia

    Truly a heartfelt story. God bless you and your family.

  • Chef Demetra Overton

    Thank you for sharing this very personal story. I’m sure your Grandmother knew hoe deeply you loved her. #blmgirls